日本英語検定協会の2021年度 第2回、英検1級一次試験エッセイ（Can individual privacy be protected in the modern world?）の解答例文
日本英語検定協会の2021年度 第2回、英検1級一次試験エッセイ（English Composition）の解答例文です。コーチNo.2が作文しました。こちらは現在ネイティブ講師が添削（てんさく）中です。
課題：Can individual privacy be protected in the modern world?
こちらはコーチNo.2の解答例文です。添削前です。
People have been making huge effort to protect individual privacy. Unfortunately I believe that it is not protected. I have three reasons to support my theory.
Firstly, advanced technologies make it quite easy to obtain people’s information stealthily. For example, we could use a telephoto camera and take pictures of residents from distant houses and steal their home life information. We could also set a hidden video camera in their house and collect the data from it via WIFI. The technology is advancing day by day and it enables us to utilize them in a wrong way.
Secondly, the internet is not perfect and it leaks stored information by accident. Modern life requires us to use internet everyday and people input their private information on web pages without doubt such as name, age, sex, address and telephone numbers. And those are kept in some distant servers which are connected to the network. The computer technology is advancing daily but the safety of the stored information is another story. Once something bad happens, your private information is everywhere and in everyone’s hands.
Lastly, there are many people who make money from your private information. For example, some people want to know whereabouts of their high-school sweet heart and hire private detective. They even want to know deeper, such as her marriage status, her income, her current looks. This kind of persons are willingly pay a lot of money for those information. The detective is professional and they collect your private information stealthily with using advanced technologies. You will never know when they corrected your personal information.
Individual privacy is very important human right for everyone. Unfortunately it is not protected in the modern world.
wordcounterでの単語数カウント結果：287 words 1,855 characters
こちらはChatGPTに文法的に添削してもらった結果です。
People have been making huge efforts to protect their individual privacy, but unfortunately, I believe that it is not well-protected. Here are three reasons to support my theory.
Firstly, advanced technologies make it easy to obtain people’s information without their knowledge. For example, telephoto cameras can be used to take pictures of residents from a distance and collect their private information. Hidden video cameras can be set up in their homes, and data can be collected through WIFI. The advancement of technology has made it possible to misuse it in many ways.
Secondly, the internet is not completely secure, and stored information can be accidentally leaked. People input their personal information on web pages without thinking twice, such as their name, age, sex, address, and telephone number. This information is stored on remote servers that are connected to the network. While computer technology is advancing daily, the security of stored information is not always a guarantee. Once a security breach occurs, private information is exposed and accessible to everyone.
Lastly, many people profit from the sale of personal information. For example, some people want to locate their high-school sweetheart and are willing to pay a lot of money to a private detective to find out their personal information, such as their marital status, income, and current appearance. Private detectives are professionals who use advanced technologies to collect private information stealthily. Victims of privacy breaches may never know when their personal information has been compromised.
Individual privacy is a critical human right that should be protected. Unfortunately, in the modern world, it is not always guaranteed. It is important to be vigilant about the information we share and take necessary precautions to safeguard our privacy.
ChatGPTには『Could you correct the following english essay gramatically? : People have been making huge effort to ….』と入力しました。
